19/365 – Get Married At Barasoain Church

At the age of 25, I plan to (or I should) get married to the right person destined for me and I’m already preparing and considering every little detail for my perfect wedding 4 years from now. For some, 25 is a little bit early but for others it’s just the perfect time. I know God has planned everything in His perfect timing but I’m with the others. It may or may not come when I’m already 25 but it’s always good to have plans for the future so you have something to look forward to.

Of course, one of the first things to consider (other than when) is where. Barasoain Church is in Bulacan and it’s far from the South – probably 4 hours travel time via public transportation. It was my first time to get inside the church and that was when I became a believer of love at first sight.

Vintage historical places like Barasoain Church always take your breath away by bringing you back to when it was brought to life, its prime era, its story for which your heart will be able to translate such powerful emotions. 

Oh look at that exquisite interior! I’m an everything-floral girl and I instantly fell inlove with the carefully painted flower patterns on the ceiling. And that chandelier! Perfect to crown the precious moments of all the brides who would walk from that doorstep. 

I didn’t get a chance to take an image of the isle going to the alta because there was an on-going mass that time. Took only a photo at this angle where we were sitting during the baptismal mass.

Barasoain Church slayed my future wedding motiff – vintage and floral; Definitely a must-visit Church in the Philippines & must-venue for perfect weddings. 

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9/365 – Number 5 / 1:37am 

God knows I’m trying

To forget everything about you.

God knows I’m struggling 

To mend the damages when you torn my heart into two. 

God knows I’m willing 

To do whatever it takes to erase every memory of you. 

God knows I’m wanting 

To get rid of the whys and the hows 

That still lingers on my mind and now I’m wondering 

How well it would be If I’m able to. 

3/365 – To the One Who Broke My Heart Last Year 

I loved you genuinely since the day we were together. I did everything for you and in the name of our love. I put down almost everything in my life just to give way for our love. I even disregarded and changed my dreams so as it would best suit our situation. I did everything to deserve your love and this is where I made myself undeserving of my own love. Maybe this is where you also learned to love me less. 

I made everything easy for you. I made loving me as easy as making your morning coffee. You didn’t have to come to me because I was the one who came to you. You didn’t have to give me gifts because I have given you the corniest of them. You didn’t have to exert any effort because I have given you everything even before you asked for it. I didn’t give you any reason to not love me but maybe I this is where you found some reasons to love me less.

I made my world revolve around the thought of a lifetime with you – I made my plans and dreams according to your plans for youself hoping that I would fit in even just on the tiny bits of it. But I failed everytime I tried. I made the world fall in love with my illusion of your love – I hid the oh-nos and imperfections because I wanted everyone to love you as much as I have loved you. Maybe this is where you found another reason to love me less. 

I knew there was something else you wanted even if I have given you everything I am. I knew you wanted something I cannot give and you found it with someone else. I knew that behind your I love yous and I miss yous were hidden signs of I don’t want to be with you anymore. I knew we were falling apart and yet I was there still picking up the pieces and putting them altogether just to fall even shattered than ever. I chose to fight even though I’m bleeding; to love even when my heart was going away with every beat. Maybe this is where you finally to chose to unlove me. 

This is where I draw the line. You didn’t deserve me since day 1 and even on the days when you tried to because I knew I loved you more the whole time. Thank you for the memories and the lessons which came with it. But this is the end of us and the start of a new me. You were a huge part of my last year but you will never be a part of this year and all of the years to come. I’m giving you up and I’m forgetting everything about you. You did love me less when I loved you more and this is what I will do with all of my regained pieces altogether – unloving you and loving myself more. You are my biggest and most painful heartbreak of all time and it won’t be easy for me to do all these things but watch me do it and you’ll know it was a mistake for loving me less every time. 

With hopes & promises, 

Elli

0/365 My Farewell to You, 2016

Thank you for the people who chose to stay for another year in my life. They are truly one of the best gifts of life. Thank you also for giving me strength to let go of people who wished to go away. I know the spaces they left behind are really meant for special people coming in my life.

Thank you for making my dreams come true. Thank you for the awesome gift of gaining my first milestone – graduating from College. Thank you for giving me my second milestone (abruptly after my first) – my dream job at my dream company. It was all worth the sacrifices. Thank you for the opportunity to be more blessed so I can help more. Thank you for enriching a giving heart on me. I can give more than what I could when I was still in College and it really warms up my heart to be able to give to those who are in need. It feels a lot better to give than to receive.

Thank you for always bringing me and my family closer than we ever had. We share a deeper bond now and I’m so glad I can share everything with them. Never thought my parents would be the best love gurus I will ever have. Thank you for the ever-growing relationship with God through The Feast PICC and Bro. Bo Sanchez.

Thank you for taking out the trash I gained this year and leaving so much space for positivity and self-love. Thank you for the pain, hurt, and heartbreak – it has taught me to be strong, to love even when it hurts, to stand firm even when I had no strength to even keep my feet firm on the ground, to know my true worth through countless time of being degraded by overflowing words, but most especially: thank you for teaching me how to love myself more to walk away from people which were intoxicating & unnecessary in my life. Thank you for still saving me from my mistakes. Despite all this, you still brought me a year of happiness, learnings, and positivity (even on the darkest days) because you have given me the best, never-failing, and perfect love there is: God’s love.

It was hell of a year but I’m glad it all happened.

Thank you for the adventures, 2016! 

Farewell.