49/365 – I’m not the Same Girl and It’s Okay.

I’m not the same clueless little baby sleeping as hours go by, innocent about what life has to offer her; not the same clueless little baby whose safe place is in the arms of her Mom and Dad. I don’t hunger only for food anymore. Milk and water aren’t the only things I’m thirsty for. I can’t cry when problems eat me alive and Mom and Dad will come rushing solving everything. No, I’m different now.

I’m not the same little happy child who worries about which doll to play first or which sweets to pick during Halloween’s. I don’t have the same youthful spirit; the same jolly laughter I can burst out every time. I can’t be careless because wounded knees aren’t the only things to worry about when you fall. It hurts more when friends come and go. I can’t say they’re come running back to me because I have the coolest toys anymore. I can’t expect things to be fixed at the end of the day because Mom & Dad will be there to take care of things. No, I’m different now.

I’m not the same teenage girl who only worries about her academics and if Mom and Dad would be glad with my scores this grading. I’m not the same teenage girl who has time to just lay around gushing and crushing over this boy and that boy. I’m not afraid to show my feelings anymore because I know they won’t like me back. I’m not afraid of losing friends because we don’t talk everyday. I’m not the same teenage girl who worries about her pimples, or her uneven skin tone, or her love handles, or her thigh gap that won’t show. I don’t need to befriend anyone just to feel accepted. No, I’m different now.

But it’s okay because at this point of life, I’ve realized the true value of life. I’ve seen enough ups and downs to know that God puts you through downs so you can learn and prepare for your better ups – the plans he anointed to happen in your life. I’ve gained so many precious friendships to know that God gives you the best people so He can show you how much He loves you through how they love you even in your worst state. I’ve been through enough relationships to know that it is noble to love without any hesitations; to love even when the one reason why you’re still holding on seems to fade every time you prove it to yourself; to love without any conditions; to love even when you begin to lose yourself; to love just like how God loves. I’ve been through enough moments in life to know how to cherish and appreciate everything everyday. Life is indeed short to waste thinking about what isn’t it. I’m different now.