3/365 – To the One Who Broke My Heart Last Year 

I loved you genuinely since the day we were together. I did everything for you and in the name of our love. I put down almost everything in my life just to give way for our love. I even disregarded and changed my dreams so as it would best suit our situation. I did everything to deserve your love and this is where I made myself undeserving of my own love. Maybe this is where you also learned to love me less. 

I made everything easy for you. I made loving me as easy as making your morning coffee. You didn’t have to come to me because I was the one who came to you. You didn’t have to give me gifts because I have given you the corniest of them. You didn’t have to exert any effort because I have given you everything even before you asked for it. I didn’t give you any reason to not love me but maybe I this is where you found some reasons to love me less.

I made my world revolve around the thought of a lifetime with you – I made my plans and dreams according to your plans for youself hoping that I would fit in even just on the tiny bits of it. But I failed everytime I tried. I made the world fall in love with my illusion of your love – I hid the oh-nos and imperfections because I wanted everyone to love you as much as I have loved you. Maybe this is where you found another reason to love me less. 

I knew there was something else you wanted even if I have given you everything I am. I knew you wanted something I cannot give and you found it with someone else. I knew that behind your I love yous and I miss yous were hidden signs of I don’t want to be with you anymore. I knew we were falling apart and yet I was there still picking up the pieces and putting them altogether just to fall even shattered than ever. I chose to fight even though I’m bleeding; to love even when my heart was going away with every beat. Maybe this is where you finally to chose to unlove me. 

This is where I draw the line. You didn’t deserve me since day 1 and even on the days when you tried to because I knew I loved you more the whole time. Thank you for the memories and the lessons which came with it. But this is the end of us and the start of a new me. You were a huge part of my last year but you will never be a part of this year and all of the years to come. I’m giving you up and I’m forgetting everything about you. You did love me less when I loved you more and this is what I will do with all of my regained pieces altogether – unloving you and loving myself more. You are my biggest and most painful heartbreak of all time and it won’t be easy for me to do all these things but watch me do it and you’ll know it was a mistake for loving me less every time. 

With hopes & promises, 

Elli

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